TTYL
by ForeverIsAnAwfullyLongTime
Summary: Phones in Storybrooke, whose bright idea was that?
1. Emma and the Missing Handcuffs

Emma: where are my handcuffs?

Hook: oh love, if u wanted me in handcuffs, all u had 2 do was ask

Emma: no u ass. some1 stole them and im guessing it was u

Hook: no im afraid not darlin, tho it is a bloody brilliant plan and I applaud whoever did take them

Emma: u really didn't take them?

Hook: nup. if I had u would no by now as we would b using them

Emma: valid point. AND NO WE WOULDN'T!

Hook: yes love, we would

Emma: u r such an asshole

Hook: I prefer pirate, or scumbag

Emma: w/e, I have handcuffs 2 find

Hook: tell me when u find them and we can have some fun ;)

Emma: in ur dreams

Hook: actually yes

Emma: im done talkin to u now

Hook: goodbye swan.

* * *

Emma: where r they?

David: I SWEAR I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHOC CHIPS!

Emma: uh...dad. I was talkin about my handcuffs.

Emma: and im so tellin mum on u about the choc chips!

David: damn. and ur handcuffs, are they missing?

Emma: yup. hook doesn't have em, ur my next suspect

David: well think about it this way, if I had them, hook would be handcuffed down at the station by now

Emma: valid point. ok ur clear. from me anyway. u r so dead about the choc chips from mum :p

David: mind getting out the bedding 4 the couch?

Emma: no prob. c ya later!

* * *

Emma: regina.

Regina: Miss Swan? May I ask why you are text messaging me?

Emma: trust me, ur the last person I want to b messaging but some1 stole my handcuffs and it wasn't hook and wasn't dad so ur my next suspect

Regina: And why would I want to take your handcuffs?

Emma: i dunno. u just would steal something from me

Regina: Well I assure you I do not possess your handcuffs, nor do I want to.

Emma: y do u text so formally?

Regina: Because I can. Now are you done Miss Swan? I have better things to do with my time.

Emma: whatevs. it's not u. onto the next suspect.

* * *

Emma: alright, im sick of diddly daddling around with this so im gonna be frank. did u take my handcuffs?

Gold: Why on earth would I want to do that?

Emma: again with the formal texting! y r all the bad guys in this town obsessed w formal texting!

Gold: Do you have a problem with proper text message etiquette?

Emma: oh this is just ridiculous. now did u take my handcuffs or not?

Gold: I already replied with a no, if I had, don't you think Hook would be trapped in them by now?

Emma: huh. that's exactly what dad said. and again, a valid point. im probs gonna have to interrogate every1 in this town 2 find them!

Gold: Good luck Miss Swan.

Emma: formal texting is creepy.

* * *

Emma: you probs didn't but im gettin desperate. did u take my handcuffs?

Snow: sorry sweetie, I have no need 4 handcuffs.

Emma: thought so. this is just so frustrating!

Snow: im sure they'll turn up eventually. y does it even matter who took them as long as u get them back?

Emma: y. does. it. matter?

Emma: THEY'RE MY HANDCUFFS!

Emma: mine!

Emma: and it's theft!

Emma: from police!

Emma: and

Emma: and

Snow: ...

Emma: i love my handcuffs :(

Snow: try ruby

Emma: y would ruby-oh. yeah. ahem. okay

Snow: uh huh

Emma: oh btw! dad was the 1 who ate the choc chips!

Snow: I KNEW IT!

* * *

Emma: ruuuubyyyy

Ruby:emmmmmaaaaa

Emma: did u take my handcuffs? im gettin sad now, i miss them :(

Ruby: wow. u r way 2 attached 2 those things...

Emma: did u?!

Ruby: nah. i already have my own pair. they're way less official and have fluff on them ;)

Emma: TMI. but believeable. im not even gonna ask anything else about them.

Ruby: good luck finding them!

Emma: thx, i need it

* * *

Emma: did u take my handcuffs?

Ashley: no! baby!

Emma: true.

* * *

Emma: did u take my handcuffs?

Sean: emma. same as ashley. baby.

Emma: i no. but still.

Sean: sorry emma, can't help u.

Emma: sniff, I miss them :(

Sean: u need a hobby.

Emma: shut up!

* * *

Emma: ...this is strange and awkward but im gettin desperate, did u take my handcuffs?

Granny: fraid not. u must be pretty desperate to ask me.

Emma: oh I passed desperate when I asked ashley and sean.

Granny: wow.

* * *

Emma: ok ur like totes MIA, and I haven't seen u around town but...DID U TAKE MY HANDCUFFS?

Emma: it was kinda stupid to ask but I miss them so much!

August: some1 stole ur handcuffs?

Emma: hiiiii! and yes :(

August: they'll turn up, now gotta go, trackin down the guy who got u arrested!

Emma: okie dokie

Emma: WAIT WHAT!?

August: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered. Please try again at a more suitable time or contact customer service for further assistance.

Emma: SCREW YOU APPLE!

August: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered. Please try again at a more suitable time or contact customer service for further assistance.

* * *

Emma: so...you're dead but...DID U TAKE MY HANDCUFFS!?

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

Emma: as if they actually send that out

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

Emma: wow. they do. that's kind of freaky. and sad.

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

Emma: though I shouldn't b talkin about sad as I just asked a dead guy if he took my handcuffs...

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

Emma: I feel like I'm talkin to myself.

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

Emma: so im gonna stop messaging ur number

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

Emma: oh miss u btw! RIP!

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

Emma: I GET IT!

Graham: Apple wishes to advise that the message sent to this number was not delivered as the owner of th device is deceased. We are sorry for your loss.

* * *

Emma: MUUUUUM! I STILL CAN'T FIND THEM!

Snow: who have u asked?

Emma: hook, dad, regina, gold, u, ruby, ashley, sean, granny, august, graham

Snow: Ashley?

Emma: yep

Snow: Sean?

Emma: it was a weak moment

Snow: granny?!

Emma: i got worse...

Snow: August?!

Emma: then desperate

Snow: GRAHAM?!

Emma: then seriously desperate. did u know apple has a special message they send out if u message a dead persons phone?

Snow: u did get desperate. really?!

Emma: yeah! try messaging graham sometime and you'll see!

Snow: right...

Emma: anyway im gonna go keep looking!

* * *

Emma: did u take my handcuffs?

Whale: uh no

Emma: WHY THE UH?! U TOOK THEM DIDN'T U!

Whale: emma! calm down! i didn't take them!

Emma: sorry, i just really miss them :(

Whale: ...do u need an appointment emma?

Emma: NO!

* * *

Emma: did u take my handcuffs?

Archie: ...handcuffs?

Emma: yea I don't even know y I bothered askin. im just so desperate! i need my handcuffs

Archie: emma? do u want 2 talk?

Emma: that would b nice...

Archie: the way I see it, the handcuffs r a symbol of some1 u lost in ur past and its ur minds way of saying u really want them back even though u didn't realise how important they were 2 u until they were gone.

Emma: ...

Emma: nope!

Emma: gtg! handcuffs to look 4!

Archie: take care emma.

* * *

Emma: did u take my handcuffs?

Cora: What's a 'handcuff'?

Emma: 2 metal holes joined together that lock people's hands behind their backs so they can't escape

Cora: They sound brilliant.

Emma: well u obvs didn't take them but I think i did a v bad thing by tellin u wat they r...

Cora: :)

Emma: that is the creepiest thing ive seen 2day and ive seen an apple message designed 4 dead people's phones! and tht smiley face topped that.

Cora: :)

Emma: AH!

* * *

Emma: ALLLLL BYYYY MYYYSEEELLLLF! DONT WANNA B! ALLLL BYYYY MYYYYSEEEEELLLLF ANYMORE!

David: u really miss those handcuffs huh?

Emma: yes!

David: emma, have u asked henry?

Emma: ...

Emma: no

Emma: oh

Emma: my

Emma: god

Emma: i

Emma: am

Emma: the

Emma: stupidest

Emma: person

Emma: alive

David: is there a reason u sent all those separately? it was kinda frustrating.

Emma: soz! i have 2 talk 2 henry!

* * *

Emma: hey kid! did u take my handcuffs?

Henry: oh yea. u left them on ur desk and I thought it would b funny :p

Emma: O.o

Emma: u had them

Emma: this whole time

Henry: uh...yes?

Emma: i asked half the town about those! i went crazy! i started singin sad love songs!

Henry: wow. u really love them huh?

Emma: WHERE R THEY?!

Henry: IN MY DESK DRAWER!

Emma: IM COMING U GUYS!

Henry: wow.

* * *

**A/N: so I know there are a few of these out there, but I just get these ideas and I showed some of my fellow Oncer friends and they told me to share so...I did! :p anyway hope you enjoy and please review!**


	2. Cora's Winky Face

Cora: ;)

Regina: Mother? Did you just send me a winky face?

Cora: Maybe.

Regina: Why would you do that?

Cora: Because I wanted to judge your reaction.

Regina: Well it was strange. And sort of embarrassing that you know how to use emoticons.

Cora: Hook taught me.

Regina: Who taught him?!

Cora: Emma.

Regina: Oh dear.

Cora: ;)

* * *

Cora: ;)

Hook: i don't even no wat i was thinkin when i taught u those

Cora: ;)

Hook: alright luv i get it

Cora: It's kind of...creepy...isn't it?

Hook: no not really

Cora: What! Yes it is!

Hook: no...its not

Cora: ;)

Hook: ur goin to have 2 try harder than that 2 scare me sweetheart

Cora: I WILL SUCCEED!

Hook: good luck with that...

* * *

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

Cora: GASP!

Gold: Yes, two can play at this game.

Cora: We shall see who will be victorious!

Gold: Yes, we shall.

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

Cora: ;-)

Gold: ;-)

Cora: ;•)

Gold: ;•)

Cora: This is not over, but I have other people to terrorise.

Gold: I take that as a forfeit.

Cora: NEVER!

Gold: We shall see.

* * *

Cora: ;)

Emma: ...y did u just send me that?

Cora: ;)

Emma: who taught u emoticons?

Cora: ;)

Emma: ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Cora: Hook.

Emma: damn that pirate scumbag!

Cora: ;)

Emma: ok this is kind of creepy

Cora: ;)

Emma: its worse than the smiley face

Cora: ;)

Emma: eep!

Cora: ;) mwahaha

* * *

Cora: ;)

Snow: cora? y did u text me? and y was it a winky face?

Cora: ;)

Snow: its kind of strange u even no how 2 text in the 1st place

Cora: Strange, or creepy?

Snow: no, just strange

Cora: That's not what your daughter thinks.

Snow: YOU SENT A WINKY FACE 2 EMMA!?

Cora: Yes.

Snow: U WILL DIE!

Cora: ;)

* * *

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

* * *

Cora: ;)

David: OH NO U DONT!

Cora: ;)

David: ive heard about ur winky faces! how dare u send them 2 snow and emma!

Cora: ;)

David: no! no winky faces!

Cora: ;)

David: -_-

Cora: Well that's a charming face.

David: hey!

Cora: So am I creepy yet?

David: nup

Cora: ;)

David: well...

Cora: ;)

David: yea a little...

Cora: ;)

David: gulp. im turning my phone off now

Cora: ;)

Cora: You will never escape.

* * *

Cora: ;)

Henry: hehe winky faces r funny :p

Cora: ;)

Henry: tee hee

Cora: Not scary that it's me sending it?

Henry: WINK WINK

Cora: This is pointless...

Henry: :( so no more winkys?

Cora: Sigh. ;)

Henry: WINKY! YOU CAME BAK! :D

Cora: *phonepalm*

* * *

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

Cora: ;)

Gold: ;)

* * *

Cora: ;-)

Hook: addin a nose does not make it creepier

Cora: Goddamnit!

* * *

Cora: ;)

Belle: cora?

Cora: ;)

Belle: was that a winky face?

Cora: ;)

Belle: ...how do u do that?

Cora: YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO DO EMOTICONS!?

Belle: no...

Cora: SHAME!

Belle: will u teach me?

Cora: SHAAAAAAME!

Belle: so...no?

Cora: ;)

* * *

Cora: ;)

Gold: YOU SENT BELLE A WINKY FACE!

Cora: ;)

Gold: You send me one more...

Cora: ;)

Gold: THATS IT!

Cora: ;)

Cora: ...What's that rumbling sound?

Gold: ;)

Cora: Rumple? Do you know what it is?

Gold: ;)

Cora: OH MY GOD A HERD OF COWS IS CHASING AFTER ME! HEEELLLLP!

Gold: I'll send them off if you swear to never send another winky face to anyone in this town again.

Cora: NEVER!

Gold: Then have fun with your cows.

Cora: No wait!

Gold: Yes..?

Cora: I swear...

Gold: Done.

Cora: Oh thank goodness.

Gold: ;)

Gold: I win.

Cora: I hate this town.

* * *

**A/N: hope you guys liked this one! Thanks for the follows, faves and reviews! Next chapter won't be long! Sorry it was a little shorter, but there are only so many people Cora can terrorise :P**


	3. Neal and Storybrooke

**I want to thank you guys for all the amazing reviews! Love all you guys and hope you enjoy this :)**

* * *

Neal: is it weird to u that fairy tale characters have phones?

Emma: nah im used 2 it. just wait till the rest of the town finds out u have a phone.

Neal: wat do u mean?

Emma: ppl go crazy round here w texting. me included.

Neal: ...should I b worried?

Emma: yes, very

Neal: but no 1 has my number

Emma: well u see...

Neal: emma...wat did u do?

Emma: i totes didn't send out a mass text with ur phone number...

Neal: U DID WAT?

Emma: I WAS BORED!

Neal: thats not a reason!

Emma: yes it is!

Neal: im goin now

Emma: its funny how when ppl say that, some1 else comes along 2 annoy them...

* * *

Gold: Bae. I have your number now.

Neal: damnit emma!

Gold: Don't worry. I won't annoy you with creepy texts like I do everybody else.

Neal: how r ur texts creepy?

Gold: I text very formally.

Neal: thts just strange

Gold: It scares Emma :P

Neal: ...was tht an emoticon?

Gold: Why yes, yes it was.

Neal: gulp

Gold: Let the games begin!

* * *

David: U! HENRY'S FATHER!

Neal: me?

David: u!

Neal: ...

David: dont 3 dot me!

Neal: technically its an ellipsis...

David: DONT CORRECT ME!

Neal: eek!

David: thts right. b scared. we need 2 have a little talk.

Neal: im busy at the moment?

David: no ur not

Neal: on the other hand, my whole schedule just opened up!

David: perfect

Neal: where should i meet u?

David: the woods

Neal: shouldnt we go somewhere more...public?

David: no! i make the decisions!

Neal: on the other hand, i would love a nice stroll through the woods...

David: thats right u would

* * *

Neal: snow? can u help me?

Snow: i don't no if u deserve it

Neal: pls! im desperate!

Snow: y? what's happening?

Neal: david told me 2 meet him in the woods 4 a serious talk

Snow: ...

Neal: NO! NOT AN ELLIPSIS!

Snow: this is a dire situation...

Snow: an ellipsis is deserved

Neal: gulp

Neal: wat do i do?

Snow: there is only 1 thing u can do

Snow: run. and hide. change ur name. go back 2 neverland.

Neal: ...how do u no ive been 2 neverland?

Snow: AH HA! u have!

Neal: i don't no wat ur talkin about

Snow: don't u stop texting me!

Snow: damn it!

Snow: I WILL FIND OUT!

* * *

Neal: henry?

Henry: dad?

Neal: oh thank god!

Henry: wat? wats wrong?

Neal: no im just happy 2 be textin some1 who isnt giving out my phone number, sending me emoticons, threatening 2 kill me or finding out my secrets

Henry: wow. storybrooke is awesome

Neal: thts 1 way 2 put it

Henry: well how would u put it?

Neal: emma says im not allowed 2 say words like tht around u

Henry: damnit

Neal: :p

Henry: teehee i love emoticons!

Neal: i have this strange feeling like i just awoke an obsession...

Henry: :)

Neal: oh no

Henry: ;) :p

Henry: :D :/

Henry: -_- _

Neal: im gonna go now...

Henry: :

Neal: AH DONT KILL ME I RETREAT!

Henry: dad?

Henry: hello?

Henry: darn it

Henry: at least I'll always have my emoticons!

* * *

Regina: Are you Henry's father?

Neal: it depends. r u planning on taking me 2 the woods and threatening 2 kill me bcoz of it?

Regina: No...

Neal: then yes, yes i am

Regina: And you're also Gold's son?

Neal: yes

Regina: Our family tree is messed up.

Neal: our?

Regina: I'm Regina, Henry's adoptive mother, Snow White's step-grandmother and possible daughter of your father, but I'm not so sure about that yet.

Neal: wat is wrong with this town?

Regina: A lot. And I take credit for most of it.

Neal: yea. im not gonna talk 2 u anymore. im kind of creeped out.

Regina: My work here is done.

* * *

Neal: r u Belle?

Belle: yes?

Neal: my dads GF?

Belle: this just got awkward

Neal: no! im just tryin 2 find some1 normal 2 talk 2! every1 is being creepy...

Belle: thts storybrooke 4 ya!

Neal: every1 keeps sayin that

Belle: hehe. hey, do u no how 2 do emoticons?

Neal: u dont?!

Belle: pls don't shame me! every1 else already has!

Neal: ...

Belle: not an ellipsis!

Neal: SHAME!

Belle: damnit

* * *

Cora: ;)

Neal: AS IF THIS TOWN WASN'T STRANGE ENOUGH!

Cora: ;)

Neal: ur not makin it any better

Cora: ;)

Neal: thts it! im talkin 2 emma!

Cora: GASP!

Neal: THTS RIGHT! im bringin in the big guns

Cora: If anyone needs me, I'll be running.

* * *

Neal: emma. get. me. out. of. here

Emma: wats so bad about bein here?

Neal: u gave out my phone number 2 every1, my dad sent me emoticons, ur dad took me 2 the woods and threatened me, ur mum quizzed me on my past, henry has an emotion obsession, regina told me our weird family tree, belle cant do emoticons and cora sends winky faces!

Emma: i see ur point

Neal: so when do i leave?

Emma: never :p

Neal: -_-

Cora: ;)

Neal: NOT HELPING!

Emma: i love this town

* * *

**A/N: thought Neal should get some spotlight :P hope you guys enjoyed! Review please! Xxx**


	4. Regina's Apple Tree

**A/N: hey! In this chapter I'm introducing group chats! Much more fun ;)**

* * *

Emma: has any1 else noticed the lack of pirate scumbags lately?

David: it's nice :)

Snow: i have no problem with it

Neal: i don't even no him

David: go away Neal!

Snow: don't be so uncharming!

David: GASP! 2 far!

Emma: hello! plz take ur weird fairytale fights somewhere else!

Neal: anyway

Emma: oh right! hook! it makes me worried he's up 2 something...

Snow: don't worry, im sure he's just had too much rum and is sleepin it off. how long has it been?

Emma: 2 days

David: we're all screwed

* * *

Regina: WHO STOLE MY APPLE TREE?!

Emma: wtf? how do u steal an apple tree?

David: mayb it ran away?

Snow: ...really?

David: in this town, anythin is possible

Snow: true

Regina: Which one of you took it?!

Neal: i don't like apples, it wasn't me

Snow: yeh, I'm off apples 2

Regina: Damn straight you are!

Henry: did u just speak gangsta?

Regina: Not the point!

Emma: wats Henry doin here?

Henry: i dunno. im bored

Neal: he gets that from u

Emma: shut up

Regina: WHO TOOK THE APPLE TREE?

Emma: why hve m and d gone quiet?

Neal: snow threw a book at him

Henry: wat? y?

Neal: it was quite funny actually, he ate all the choc chips again and she got pissed

Emma: u better not let him hear u say tht

Snow: no 1 eats my choc chips...

Emma: so im gonna go...

Regina: WAIT! What about my apple tree!?

Regina: ANYBODY?!

* * *

Gold: Belle, do you know why Regina's apple tree is in our backyard?

Belle: i figured u put it there 2 piss her off

Gold: No. The apple tree is off limits, like my cane.

Belle: rite. well wat do we do with it?

Gold: Eh, she'll find it eventually.

Belle: but won't she b mad at us?

Gold: Oh well, I'll turn her into a butterfly and we'll be fine.

Belle: ...did u really just say tht?

Gold: Yes, yes I did.

Belle: O.o

Gold: Hey! You learnt how to use emoticons!

Belle: yup. YouTube :D

Gold: I'm truly proud.

Belle: victory make out sesh?

Gold: :D

* * *

Neal: i feel a disturbance in the parental hook up world...

Emma: well it's not my m and d. they're still fightin about the choc.

Henry: IT'S NOT U GUYS IS IT?

Emma: NO!

Henry: phew

Emma: it's probs belle and gold

Neal: O.o

Emma: ha! suck

* * *

Regina: And now, a poem for my apple tree. Oh apple tree, where are thee? Why did you leave? Oh apple tree, you're deliciousness is missed. Especially for my poisonous treats.

Emma: O.o

Snow: O.o

David: O.o

Henry: O.o

Neal: O.o

Regina: Emma: Handcuffs. Snow: Chocolate chips. David: Swords. Henry: Emoticons. Neal: Emma.

Emma: touché

Snow: grrrr...my choc chips! MINE!

Henry: :( ur mean

Neal: I have no idea wat ur talkin about

David: hey wait! WHY WAS HIS EMMA?

Neal: cya l8r every1! I'll be runnin!

David: SWORDY! CHARGE!

Emma: run neal, run like the wind!

David: STAY OUT OF THIS EMMA! IT HAS NOTHING 2 DO WITH U!

Emma: i will never understand this place

* * *

Hook: hello every1!

Emma: damn he's back

Snow: it was nice while it lasted

David: i lost neal.

Hook: so wat did i miss?

Emma: I'll be askin the questions! wat were u up 2?

Hook: any1 noticed a missin apple tree?

Regina: YOU WILL DIE! WHERE IS IT?

Gold: So you put it in my backyard.

Neal: i can't even look at u rite now papa

Gold: What?

Neal: u no...

Gold: No seriously

Neal: i sensed the hook up disturbance...

Belle: this is awkward...but it's only bcoz we were celebrating me learnin emotions! :)

Neal: all is forgiven. im so proud

Snow: good job belle! :D

Henry: I LUV EMOTICONS!

Emma: yes henry, we know...

Henry: :D

David: HA! I found u!

Neal: papa, he's tryin 2 kill me

Gold: I have magic.

David: all is forgotten

Neal: ;)

Cora: Mine!

Neal: ?

Cora: You are not permitted to use!

Neal: ;-)?

Cora: Carry on.

Emma: strange, but surprisingly normal at the same time...

Hook: wait, who is this guy?

Emma: long story

Hook: isn't any1 gonna congratulate me on my apple tree victory?

Regina: 7 days...

Hook: nm, I'm leavin now!

Regina: I'll find you...I'll always find you...

David: HEY!

Emma: lol!

David: IT'S NOT FUNNY! SHE STOLE MY LINE!

Emma: no it's not tht! she's chasin hook with an apple tree!

Snow: how?!

Neal: magic ;)

Cora: CHANGE IT!

Neal: papa!

Gold: Cows.

Cora: Carry on.

Neal: i like this :)

Emma: we're all screwed.

* * *

**A/N: so hope you guys enjoyed! Thanks for all the reviews and follows! Till next time :) xxx**


	5. Pascal Swirls and Red Bull

Emma: STOP WATEVER UR DOIN!

David: what happened?!

Snow: r u okay?!

Henry: WHO DIED?!

Snow: Henry!

Henry: wat?

David: i blame neal

Neal: ?

David: it makes sense

Emma: I SAID STOP!

Regina: Miss Swan, what in the world are you going on about? You disturbed my annual apple trimming.

Emma: hook has sugar! i repeat hook has sugar!

David: oh no

Snow: who the hell gave him sugar?!

Cora: :)

Regina: Of course.

* * *

Hook: swannnn!

Emma: oh no, wat?

Hook: did u see it?! it was marvellous!

Emma: wat was?

Hook: a cloud shaped like a pony was floating by and then another cloud shaped like a dinosaur floated past AND ATE THE PONY! :O

Emma: ...

Emma: i have no words

Hook: have no words, have a pascal swirl!

Emma: im leavin

Hook: leavin, have a pascal swirl!

* * *

Emma: hook is obsessed with pascal swirls and it's motto

Neal: tht doesn't sound good

Snow: at least he doesn't eat all the choc chips

David: i said i was sorry! y can't u get over it!

Snow: grrrr

Emma: couch beddings out

David: thanks...

Hook: sleepin on the couch, have a pascal swirl!

David: oh wow

Regina: Mother, what did you do?

Cora: ;)

David: i blame Neal

Neal: ?

Emma: not everythin is neals fault...

David: yes it is

Hooks: everythin is neals fault, have a pascal swirl!

Neal: -_-

Cora: ;)

* * *

Belle: did u hear about hook?

Gold: Who cares?

Belle: he's obsessed w pascal swirls!

Gold: To group messaging!

* * *

Gold: What have we missed?

Emma: pascal swirls are the answer to everythin

Neal: everythin is my fault

Snow: David's sleepin on the couch

Regina: Mother was the one who gave him the sugar.

Cora: ;)

David: choc chips are deliciously deadly

Snow: damn straight

Henry: Y IS EVERY1 SUDDENLY SPEAKIN GANGSTA?!

Hook: every1s suddenly speakin gangsta, have a pascal swirl!

Belle: lol!

Emma: yeh u think its funny now...just wait till he does 1 2 u

Belle: eh, ill live im sure

Gold: OW!

Regina: What? I didn't do anything to you, why are you in pain?

Hook: :p pascal swirls are dangerous

Gold: He threw pascal swirls at my face!

Emma: LOOOOL!

Neal: Ehheheheehe

Gold: It is not funny!

Regina: HEY! NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO HURT HIM BUT ME!

Cora: Ahem.

Regina: OR HER!

Cora: Carry on.

Hook: runnin from certain death, have a pascal swirl!

* * *

Emma: ok, i managed to get the sugar away from him

David: thank the lord

Snow: wats the bad news?

Henry: y does there have 2 be bad news?

Neal: it is Storybrooke.

Henry: point taken

Emma: his new fave drink is red bull

Hook: RED BULL GIVES U WIIIIIINGS!

Regina: It actually did. He flew away so I couldn't kill him.

Gold: Hook+energy drink=trouble

Neal: thx captain obvious

Gold: Don't sass me.

Henry: can every1 plz stop tryin to speak cool!

Gold: No, that's how I roll! YOLO.

Emma: O.o

Gold: Hashtag

Belle: guys?

Regina: What's wrong with your man?

Belle: he found out tht pascal swirls are really delicious

Neal: oh great

Emma: hook on red bull, gold on pascal swirls. i think it's time 4 a trip out of town!

Neal: ill join u!

Henry: me 2!

Regina: Hey! That's cheating!

Emma: cya l8r suckers!

Snow: damn them

David: so wat do we do?

Belle: hide and wait it out

Gold: Hiding and waiting it out, have a pascal swirl!

Hook: I CAN FLYYYYY!


	6. Sugar Detox and Return of the Cows

David: where's emma?

Snow: she went out of town

David: wat y?

Snow: ...u were there! bcoz of gold on swirls and hook on red bull!

David: ...nup doesn't ring a bell

Belle: yes?

David: sorry not u, metaphor

Belle: okie dokie

Snow: while we've got u though belle, how's gold?

Belle: high and goin crazy w magic

David: crazy how?

Belle: he turned our chipped cup into chip

Snow: chip?

Belle: from the beauty and the beast story here

David: aw he's so cute!

Belle: yeh well he changed all the other stuff 2 so now im stuck in a house of singin objects...

Snow: just join in!

Belle: i did! and it was fun 4 a while but it got old

David: how long did u last?

Belle: a day, but they keep singin the same songs over and over

Snow: well there r only so many songs in the show

Belle: yeh anyway, im tryin to get him off the swirls but its not workin...

Snow: do u want help?

Belle: tht would b nice

David: give us a min and we'll get bak 2 u!

Belle: mkay

* * *

David: we now call this sugar detox meeting 2 order

Snow: roll call! Belle?

Belle: here!

David: hook?

Hook: how did i get dragged into this?

Snow: shush! Regina?

Regina: Yes.

Belle: ?

Regina: He's annoying me greatly.

Cora: Me too!

David: good coras here. grumpy?

Grumpy: yeh

Snow: red?

Red: uh huh

David: is tht every1?

Snow: minus emma, neal and henry

Hook: i miss my red bull :(

Snow: NO U DNT!

Hook: fine fine

Red: where are emma and co?

Snow: last txt we got they were in the Bahamas

Regina: That's not fair!

Cora: You know we can leave too?

Regina: I'd miss my magic...

Cora: True.

Snow: moving on!

Belle: 1st, some1 get rid of the singin objects!

Cora: I am happy too. They stopped by my house last night. It was horrifying.

Snow: thts 1 down, next, some1 to get rid of all pascal swirls in town until he gets over it

Regina: I can most likely handle that.

David: next, some1 to keep him occupied so he doesn't go bak

Belle: thts me

Red: wat do we do?

Snow: Red and Grumpy ur on border watch, any sugar trucks come into town u stop them

Grumpy: ...can we eat the sugar?

Snow: NO!

Grumpy: -_-

David: alright, every1 check in 2 hours

Belle: break!

* * *

Emma: ah this is so relaxing

Neal: wonder wats goin on bak in Storybrooke

Emma: who cares?

Henry: they have a plan of attack against gold!

Emma: woo! lets go home!

Neal: how? we're broke

Emma: magic ;)

Henry: WOO!

Neal: oh no

* * *

Snow: evry1 here?

Belle: yep think so

Snow: ok, cora, how did u go?

Cora: All singing objects have been returned to normal.

Belle: THANK THE LORD!

Snow: regina?

Regina: No trace of anything Pascal in this town.

David: excellent. belle?

Belle: i have a plan tht I don't wish to disclose

Snow: ...bad images. but ok

Regina: AH THE IMAGES! THEY BURN!

Cora: ;)

David: ...anyway, grumpy and red?

Red: no sugar trucks so far

Grumpy: unfortunately

Snow: keep an eye out

Red: WTF?

David: WHAT?

Red: a random puff of magic just appeared inside the border!

Snow: wat is it?!

Grumpy: oh it's just emma and co

Neal: y r we suddenly emma and co?

Emma: coz im awesome

Snow: ur bak!

Henry: yeh we heard u had a plan so we presumed it was safe

David: hang on, where's hook been this whole time?

Hook: oh i was just painting rumplestikilins cane hot pink

Regina: First the apple tree, now the cane. Your days are numbered.

Gold: HOOK!

Hook: so worth it!

Emma: lol!

Snow: is he chasing him with a herd of cows?

Cora: Not as fun as it sounds...

Neal: hey look! a rainbow cow!

Henry: OMG!

Gold: I pride myself on that cow. The attack needs the extra flair to make it more entertaining.

Belle: how could this not b entertaining? its effin hilarious!

Hook: 4 u!

Emma: LOL hey hook!

Hook: swan! help me!

Emma: nah im good

Snow: hang on, how did u guys get bak so quickly?

Emma: magic ;)

Cora: Ahem

Emma: ;-)*

Cora: :)

Neal: guys? the cows just ran into the water

Belle: NOOOOO! RAINBOW COW!

Gold: damnit!

Hook: mwahah

Belle: rainbow cow! u were so young! hook! this is all ur fault! U MUST DIE!  
Hook: and im runnin again, im so fit ever since i came here

Regina: We should start an exercise business!

Henry: CBS

Emma: yeh no way

Regina: Stupid unfit town.


	7. Belle's Revenge

Hook: swan? hav u seen belle? she swore revenge on me 4 the cow but i haven't seen her...im scared...

Emma: I haven't seen Belle for a while. She may be plotting her revenge.

Hook: FORMAL TXTN! SWAN! UR EVIL?!

Emma: Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, you'll never know.

Hook: im textin some1 else!

* * *

Hook: ur daughter has turned evil!

Snow: Has she now?

Hook: oh no

Snow: What's the matter Hook?

Hook: ITS SPREADIN!

Snow: What is?

Snow: Hello?

* * *

Hook: ur family is turnin evil!

David: How dare you even insinuate my family would be remotely evil!

Hook: NOOOO! WAT HAS HAPPEND 2 THIS TOWN?!

David: Why are you being so strange? Did you drink red bull again?

Hook: my lyf is over...

David: Well someone has a red bull problem...

* * *

Hook: wat did u do?

Cora: wat?

Hook: every1 is suddenly txtn formally! WAT DID U DO?

Hook: wait. where was ur punctuation?

Cora: wat do u mean?

Hook: :O

Cora: y r u bein weird?

Hook: oh my god im goin insane...

Cora: tht we already knew...

Hook: arrrgrgggghhhh

Cora: well we already no ur a pirate

Hook: walls closing in...lyf slippin away...

Cora: ...um...

Cora: im gonna go now...

Hook: great! im even creepin cora out!

* * *

Hook: Y IS EVERY1S TXTN STYLE SUDDENLY SWITCHED?!

Regina: y would i no?

Hook: oh no...

Regina: wat? i dnt notice anythin diff with the txtn

Hook: HOW CAN U NOT NOTICE?!

Regina: ur actin a bit strange...have u had red bull again?

Hook: stp txtn improperly!

Regina: i dnt no wat ur talkin about

Hook: i think im gonna cry..

* * *

Hook: wat the hell did u do?

Gold: wat?

Hook: NOOOOOO!

Gold: seriously? wat?

Gold: hello?

* * *

Hook: hello...

Neal: Yes?

Hook: can u answe me?

Neal: Sure, what can I assist you with?

Hook: nm u already answered

Neal: Glad to help

Hook: im actually gonna go jump into the ocean w a weight tied 2 me

* * *

Hook: henry?

Henry: Hey Hook.

Hook: u always no wats happenin here, so wtf is goin on?

Henry: Whatever do you mean?

Hook: NO! NOT U 2!

Henry: What?

Hook: HE WAS SO YOUNG! YYYY!

Henry: ...

* * *

Hook: ruby...?

Ruby: Hook?

Hook: can u help me?

Ruby: Help you with what?

Hook: sob. never mind...

* * *

Ruby: it's workin! he's in tears!

Emma: i scared the crap out of him

Snow: me 2

David: hehe it was fun :p

Cora: I scared him because he thinks he even creeped me out.

Regina: I pretended I had no idea anything was different when he asked me, he went insane!

Gold: It was fun :D

Neal: he told me he was goin to drown himself

Henry: apparently i was 2 young to b affected...

Belle: excellent work every1! revenge is sweet...

Emma: do u think he suspects its u?

Belle: nah he would of said somethin. phase 2 people!

* * *

Emma: :)

Hook: swan?

Emma: :)

Hook: wat r u doin?

Emma: :)

Hook: swan?

Emma: :)

Hook: stahp!

* * *

Snow: :)

Hook: hmmm...im startin 2 think there's somethin goin on...

Snow: :)

Hook: I WILL FIND OUT!

* * *

David: :)

Hook: WHO SENT U?

David: :)

Hook: answer me! who do u work 4!

David: :)

Hook: next suspect!

* * *

Cora: :)

Hook: im used 2 u by now

Cora: :)

Hook: movin on

* * *

Regina: :)

Hook: normal

Regina: :)

* * *

Gold: :)

Hook: who r u workin 4?

Gold: :)

Hook: answer me!

Gold: :)

Hook: ur impossible

* * *

Neal: :)

Hook: WHO DO U WORK 4!?

Neal: :)

Hook: AAAAHHHHHGGGGHHH!

Neal: :)

* * *

Henry: :)

Hook: henry, kid, buddy...will u do somethin 4 me?

Henry: :)

Hook: takin it as a yes. who do u work 4?

Henry: :)

Hook: FINE! BUT NO MORE EMOTICONS 4 U!

Henry: :)

* * *

Hook: B4 U EVEN SEND IT! WHO DO U WORK 4?!

Ruby: :)

Hook: DAMNIT!

* * *

Belle: so?

Emma: scared him

Snow: he got suspicious after me

David: asked me who i worked 4

Cora: He didn't suspect anything for me, it's normal.

Regina: Same here.

Gold: He was asking me who I work for as well.

Neal: he got really frustrated w me

Henry: HE TOOK MY EMOTICONS! :( im dyin inside...

Ruby: yeh he got frustrated w me

Belle: and now...it's my turn :)

* * *

Belle: hook

Hook: GASP! U! HOW DID I NOT REALISE IT B4!

Belle: oh revenge is sweet...

Hook: thts it, im gettin out of this town!

Belle: mwahahh


	8. Hook Jr

**This is the hardest I've made myself laugh so far, apart from the first couple :p so I really love this chapter and I hope you guys enjoy too!**

* * *

Henry: hey hook?

Hook: yes henry?

Henry: a thought occurred 2 me

Hook: is there a reason ur tellin me?

Henry: coz it's 2 do with u

Hook: worried now

Henry: it's just...ur not a pirate

Hook: TAKE THT BAK!

Henry: well u cnt b!

Hook: y the bloody hell not!?

Henry: well...u dnt hve an eyepatch

Hook: but I have a hook!

Henry: and u dnt hve a wooden leg

Hook: plz, im not pinocchio

Henry: u dnt have a big hat w a feather

Hook: tht just sounds ridiculous

Henry: and most important of all u dnt hve a parot

Hook: a wat?

Henry: a parot

Hook: wat?!

Henry: *sigh* p-a-r-r-o-t

Hook: oh a parrot!

Henry: thts what I said

Hook: y do i need those thing pirate? they're a bunch of dumb stereotypes

Henry: fine, but ur not a real pirate w/out them

Hook: wat do u no!

Henry: sorry, I'll go away

Hook: pfft, not a real pirate...

* * *

Hook: swan!

Emma: stop! hve u been eatin pascal swirls?

Hook: no

Emma: drinkin red bull?

Hook: no!

Emma: ok go on

Hook: ur son accused me of not bein a pirate!

Emma: ok...problem?

Hook: it's insulting and untrue! and it's not nice 2 make up nasty stories...

Emma: dnt u do tht on a daily basis?

Hook: not the point!

Emma: wat is the point?

Hook: hve u not been listenin?!

Emma: nope

Hook: -_-

Emma: point?

Hook: henry said im not a pirate!

Emma: oh, y not?

Hook: coz im not a stereotypical 1 so i can't b 1!

Emma: i thought the hook was pretty sterotyical

Hook: exactly!

Emma: rite, r u done?

Hook: aren't u gonna tell him off?

Emma: do I have 2?

Hook: yes!

Emma: its not tht big of a deal...

Hook: gasp! u agree w him!

Emma: i never said tht!

Hook: but u do!

Emma: bye hook

Hook: traitor

* * *

Regina: Who took my credit card?

Emma: not me

Snow: nope

David: regina has a credit card?

Henry: y would I need 1?

Cora: Not me darling.

Gold: Not me.

Belle: nup

Regina: Hmmm...Hook!

Emma: i haven't seen him in ages

Regina: I know he did this...he's walking on thin ice with me at the moment...

Belle: tht sounds cold

Gold: Sweetheart, it's a metaphor.

Belle: oh

Snow: oh belle...

Belle: :p

Neal: OMG HAVE U GUYS SEEN HOOK?!

Regina: No, I'm looking for him though.

Neal: can't..crying...oh...so...funny

Snow: Neal, words!

David: idiot

Gold: Magic.

David: Emma

Gold: Carry on.

Cora: Hey! That's my line!

Gold: Cows.

Cora: Never mind.

Emma: can we stop threatening each other and listen 2 Neal! and y am i suddenly so threatening?

Gold: You have untamed magic.

David: tht we agreed is not 2 b taught by u!

Gold: Yes, yes I know.

Emma: do i get a say in this?

David: absolutely not

Emma: :(

Snow: every1 shush and listen 2 Neal GODDAMIT!

Neal: normally i would comment on how badass tht was but...it's so funny!

Henry: wat is it?

Hook: ahoy

Emma: oh

Snow: my

Regina: Goodness

David: I would have gone with god...

Regina: Shut up! This is priceless!

Hook: wat?

Emma: y r u wearin a big fluffy hat?

Belle: with a feather?

Regina: And what is that on your shoulder?

Henry: OHMIGOSH U BOUGHT A PARROT!

Hook: yep. who's not a pirate now! HA!

Emma: omg, u actually listened 2 Henry...

Gold: What's it's name?

Cora: It's so fluffy!

Emma: who cares?

Snow: adorable!

David: I want 1!

Regina: Apparently they do.

Hook: its name is hook jr

Emma: original

Henry: nup, not piratey enough

Hook: thn wat do u suggest?

Henry: Polly

Hook: it's a boy!

Snow: i don't think it matters w birds...

Hook: no! hes hook jr!

Henry: fine

Regina: Okay, hand over Hook Jr then.

Hook: wat!? no!

Regina: Did you buy him with my stolen credit card?

Hook: ...mayb

Regina: Then that means he's my bird. So hand it over.

Hook: but...

Regina: Now.

Hook: sniff, our time was short buddy, but ill always remember u!

Hook Jr: sqwuaaak

Emma: he bought it a phone?!

Regina: Excellent. I've always wanted to try parrot soup.

Hook: noooooooooo!

* * *

Cora: Did you really eat his bird?

Gold: Because that's weird, even for you.

Regina: No, just locked it in a cage in my basement. He might get him back if he's good.

Gold: I have an idea.

Cora: What did you have in mind?

Gold: Oh I think you'll like it.

Belle: rumple? r u done w the evil conference yet?

Gold: Coming!

Cora: Interfering wench. HE LOVED ME FIRST!

Regina: Oh get over it Mother...

* * *

Hook: sniff :(

Emma: hook...he's in a better place...

Hook: he was so young...

Henry: i miss him 2 :(

Snow: he was so cute!

David: y dnt u just buy another 1?

Hook: gasp! i could never betray him like tht!

Emma: gosh dad, insensitive...

David: but...

Snow: thts it, time out!

David: but!

Snow: now!

David: stupid pirate...

* * *

Hook Jr: Hello.

Hook: ...hook jr?

Hook Jr: Yep.

Hook: ur alive!

Hook Jr: Duh.

Hook: and u can talk!

Hook Jr: I'm cool like that.

Hook: oh no

Hook Jr: What?

Hook: formal textin! I bought an evil parrot!

Hook Jr: Mwahaha.

* * *

Hook: my parrots alive and evil!

Snow: wat is he goin on about?

Emma: i think he's in mourning and goin delusional..

Snow: ur probs right

Hook: im serious!

Emma: of course u r...

Hook: EVIIIIIL

Snow: shall we?

Emma: hook..look at the shiny light!

Hook: oh that is shiny...whoa

Emma: ok done

Henry: did u just knock him out w a light?

Snow: he was dilusuonal. it had 2 be done.

* * *

Regina: That was fun!

Gold: Told you.

Cora: -_-

Gold: What's her problem?

Regina: She's mad at you because you love Belle instead of her.

Gold: Oh. Awkward.

Cora: Stupid interfering wench!


	9. Voyages

Emma: im so bored

Henry: yeh, nothing gud has happened for ages

Snow: no ones done anythin weird

David: played any pranks

Regina: Stolen anything.

Cora: I haven't sent a smiley in weeks.

Neal: i think there may b something wrong w the town

Belle: mayb we should do somethin funny?

Gold: nothin left to do

Hook: don't worry! i have the solution!

Emma: I'll take anythin!

Hook: every1 meet at the jolly roger in half an hour!

Regina: This is not going to end well.

Cora: :)

Regina: Are you satisfied now mother?

Cora: Yes.

* * *

Hook: gud evry1 is here

Gold: No, Miss Swan is not currently present.

Snow: she was rite behind us!

Hook: oh she's here, don't worry about tht ;)

Neal: IMAGES :O

David: where's my sword?! IM GONNA KILL HIM!

Hook: no nothin like tht! she's fascinated by my ship! so she explores every time she comes here!

David: how many times has she been here?!

Hook: calm down dad...swan and i do not have tht kind of relationship

Snow: calm urself charming

David: I'm gud

Belle: tht was entertaining

Regina: I agree, but would you like to explain what we are doing here Hook?

Emma: im bak, wat did i miss?

Henry: gramps tried to kill hook coz he thought u 2 were doin it

Snow: HENRY!

Gold: HOW DOES HE KNOW THAT STUFF!

Henry: I'm 10, not oblivious

Emma: 1. me and hook? eww 2. Dad, chill 3. Henry, we will hve a serious talk l8r

Neal: shouldnt I b givin him tht talk?

Emma: b my guest

Neal: coolness

Hook: r u done?

Emma: yup. oh btw, saw u got the rails polished, nice

Hook: y thank u swan. but onto the point! I have brought u all here bcoz we r goin on a trip.

Regina: All of us?

Gold: Together?

Snow: on this small ship?

David: cramped and forced 2 see each other?

Emma: god hook we'll all kill each other!

Hook: calm down drama queens.

David: ahem

Gold: Excuse me?

Hook: and kings...

Neal: any1 else seein the irony here?

Belle: yep :p

Hook: anyway! we won't b on the ship the whole time! i borrowed a bean from tiny

Neal: we're not...oh god.

Henry: wat?!

Hook: buckle up mates, we're goin 2 neverland

* * *

Hook: Henry! dnt touch my wheel!

Henry: but it's so funn!

Neal: i think it may b my fault 4 teaching him 2 steer it

Emma: great, now he's gonna want a ship 4 his bday

Henry: can I?!

Neal: no!

Henry: f*** u

Regina: HENRY!

Snow: HOW DOES HE KNOW THAT WORD?!

Hook: doo doo doo

Emma: DAD! IM BORROWING UR SWORD!

David: i have no problems with tht

Henry: lol

Belle: hey look! when u send LOL all lower caps it looks like a man drowning!

Gold: Hey! It does too!

Cora: Lets all send them!

Belle: lol

Henry: lol

Gold: lol

Cora: lol

Regina: lol

Snow: lol

David: lol

Emma: lol

Hook: lol

Belle: look at all the drowning men!

Emma: hehe

Hook: thnk u belle for savin my butt

Emma: I haven't forgotten, I'll get u

Snow: isn't it a little morbid?

Neal: the drowning men?

Snow: yeah

Neal: nah

Snow: well ok

Cora: Hook! How long until we get to Neverland!?

Hook: wheres ur patience?

Regina: We're all getting sick of each other.

Hook: its only been 2 hours!

David: exactly

Hook: but...wow

Snow: we need 2 stop somewhere!

Hook: ...we're in the middle of the ocean...

Emma: MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Hook: cora?

Cora: My pleasure.

Belle: wats she doin?

Snow: this is worryin...

Hook: she is speeding us up, every1 might wanna hold on 2 somethin

David: wat? y? WHOA! AHHH!

Snow: CHARMING!

Emma: prince overboard!

Henry: throw him a floaty ringy thingy!

Gold: 'floaty ringy thingy'?

Henry: WELL I DNT NO WAT THEY'RE CALLED

Gold: Calm your farm...

Belle: hehe thats a funny expression...

David: hello? still in the water here...

Hook: hmmm..2 save or not 2 save

Emma: HOOK!

Hook: well all he ever does is threaten 2 kill me! :(

Snow: HOOK! I WILL KILL U IF U DONT RESCUE HIM RITE NOW!

Hook: righteo then

David: oh thank god

Cora: Maybe it was a little sudden?

Regina: You think?

* * *

Henry: r we there yet?

Emma: no

Henry: r we there yet?

Neal: no

Henry: r we there yet?

Snow: no!

Henry: r we there yet?

David: no!

Henry: r we there yet?

Gold: NO

Henry: r we there yet?

Regina: NO!

Henry: r we there yet?

Belle: NO!

Henry: r we there yet?

Hook: NO!

Henry: r we-

Cora: Don't even think about it.

Henry: :(

Cora: No.

Emma: hey hook! u got new sheets!

David: WAT WERE U DOIN DOWN THERE AND Y HAVE U BEEN DOWN THERE B4?!

Hook: damnit swan!

Emma: IT WAS 1 TIME!

Snow: :O

Henry: :O

Neal: :O

Gold: :O

Regina: :O

Belle: :O

Cora: Is he good?

Regina: MOTHER!

Cora: I'm waiting.

David: DONT U DARE ANSWER THT QUESTION EMMA RUTH SWAN!

Neal: full name, i think ur in trouble

Emma: ...

Hook: im runnin now...

Belle: where will u run? its a ship...

Hook: i'll try!

Emma: oh! u all thought! NO! i meant i'd been down there 1 time!

Snow: ohhhhhhhh

David: woops...

Hook: -_-

Gold: But out of curiosity, why were you down there that 1 time?

Emma: ...welll...

Hook: i found her wasted at a bar and didnt want 2 take her home bcoz of the wrath of Prince Charming so she stayed in my chambers

David: WAT?!

Hook: I SLEPT IN THE CABINS!

David: U GOT WASTED!

Emma: EMMA OVERBOARD!

Snow: no! emma come bak!

Henry: throw the ringy floaty thingy!

Regina: This is going to be a long trip...

* * *

**That's right! Off to Neverland we go!**


	10. Ship Wars Aboard The Ship

Hook: ...where r emma and neal?

David: WHAT?!

Gold: You don't think they'd be...

Snow: emma wouldn't...

Belle: ooooooh

Henry: wat?

Regina: Nothing!

Cora: #teamswanfire

David: WTF?

Snow: i think she combined their names

Belle: it's called a ship, for eg u guys r #teamsnowing

David: hehe...snowing...

Snow: :P

Hook: so u and rumple r #teamrumbelle?

Gold: It has a ring to it.

Regina: MOTHER HOW COULD YOU! I WILL ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE #teamcaptainswan!

Cora: :O HOW ARE YOU MY DAUGHTER!

Hook: hold on a bloody min!

Henry: hey we made ship names on a ship! :p

Belle: lol!

Gold: Oh hi drowning man!

Snow: we're all goin insane

Hook: #teammillian

Gold: OH NO YOU DIDN'T!

Cora: Shit just got real.

Regina: #teamstablequeen

Cora: No.

David: #teamemmaforeveralone

Snow: really charming?

Emma: uh wat did we miss...?

Belle: wat were u guyz doin? ;)

Neal: nothin

Cora: #teamswanfire

Regina: #teamcaptainswan

Cora: THIS MEANS WAR!

Emma: r ppl makin my life decisions 4 me again!?

David: #teamemmaforeveralone

Emma: -_-

Hook: swan? can u save me from rumple?

Neal: wat did u do?

Hook: #teammillian

Gold: THAT IS IT!

Neal: OH NO HE DINT!

Emma: sorry buddy, ur on ur own!

Belle: #teamrumbelle!

Snow: aw belle :p

Regina: Emma! Get with Hook so I can prove my Mother wrong! #teamcaptainswan

Emma: uh...no thanks

Cora: Then get with Neal so I'm right! #teamswanfire

Emma: uh...

David: HA! #teamemmaforeveralone

Emma: leanin towards tht...

Snow: #TEAMSWANFIRE

David: SNOW!

Cora: YES!

Neal: :P

Henry: #teamswanfire

Cora: It's a cult!

Hook: NO CULTS ON THE SHIP!

Gold: #teamswanfire

Henry: #teamswanfire

Cora: #teamswanfire

Regina: Damnit.

Hook: :p

Emma: no 1 decides my luv life but me!

Belle: thts my quote! sorta...

Gold: I believe yours was fate, not love life.

Belle: IT'S STILL COPYRIGHT BY BELLE 2011! ©

Emma: r u willin to go thru court 4 tht copyright belle!? huh huh r ya!?

Belle: I WILL WALK THE EARTH AND BAK 4 THT QUOTE!

Emma: dedication, I respect tht

Neal: #teamswanfire?

Emma: :)

David: NO! SWORDY!

Neal: ARGH!

Hook: and thts 3 people in total tht hve gone overboard now

Henry: THROW HIM A-

Gold: Let me guess, 'floaty ringy thingy'?

Henry: YEAH THT THINGY!

Cora: SWIM NEAL SWIM! DO IT FOR #TEAMSWANFIRE!

Regina: NO GET HIM CHARMING! LONG LIVE #TEAMCAPTAINSWAN!

Snow: charming, plz put the sword away...

David: sword?

Snow: sigh...plz put SWORDY away

David: fine

Emma: he doesn't respond unless u call it swordy?

Henry: whoa. thts worse thn ur handcuffs.

Emma: shut up!

Neal: ahem. still in the water.

Hook: here have a floaty ringy thingy

Neal: thanks!

David: grrr

Neal: on 2nd thought...

Emma: no! dnt leave me alone w these crazy ppl!

Hook: dw, i'll take good care of her ;)

David: NOO!

Neal: oh no u dnt hook! im comin bak!

Emma: :)

Cora: Sniff. It's so beautiful... :(

Belle: awww

Henry: operation swanfire is complete

Regina: I hate you all.

Gold: Bae! Are you alright?

Neal: never better

Snow: oh come on charming, u gotta b happy 4 them!

David: -_-

Emma: :)

David: fine

Emma: woo!

Neal: im so lost

David: HE DOESNT EVEN NO WATS HAPPENIN! HE IS UNWORTHY!

Hook: would u rather me than him?

David: carry on

Emma: wow, tht was surprisingly helpful...

Neal: -_-

Cora: Take that Regina!

Regina: My life has no purpose anymore...

Hook: deep down we all wanted it to happen regina...  
Emma: WAT?

Hook: sh! im tryin 2 make her feel better!

Regina: I can hear you.

Cora: MWAHAHAH

Snow: shes goin crazy...

Gold: Going?

Snow: touché

Belle: any1 notice emma and neal disappear again?

David: -_-

* * *

**A/N: so i know this one is short, but i had a lot of fun with it :) sorry for the lack of authors notes lately, i just thought you prefer the story to me ;) haha anyway, hope you guys have been enjoying and thanks for all the reviews/follows/faves! Love you guys :)**


	11. Meanwhile, In Storybrooke

**A/N: well hello there readers! So I decided to give the main guys a bit of a break and see what's going on back in that little town in Maine where every storybook character you have ever known is trapped. So there will be quite a few new people in this one :D should be fun, **

* * *

Red: so they all left?

Whale: pretty much

Ella: why didn't they invite us? :(

Thomas: we have a baby

Ella: sniff

Granny: y would u want 2 go?

Red: y wouldn't we?

Whale: it would b really entertaining

Red: and i bet u somethin really big will happen and i won't b there 2 witness it!

Ella: like wat?

Red: like emma finally gettin with neal or hook

Thomas: EMMA AND HOOK?

Whale: disturbing

Granny: im goin with neal

Ella: wait...i thought hook and regina were togetha?

Red: O.o

Whale: O.o

Thomas: O.o

Granny: tht is so disturbing

Red: Y WOULD U THINK THT!

Ella: i saw him leavin her house!

Thomas: they were probs plotting or he stole something again!

Ella: well it looked bad!

Whale: u can see where she got the idea. and it's not like she's the sharpest tool in the shed...

Ella: HEY!

Thomas: HEY!

Red: really thomas?

Grumpy: y is it so tensiony?

Granny: did u bring popcorn?

Grumpy: ...no!

Granny: useless

Grumpy: well how was I supposed 2 no!

Granny: we always need popcorn in this town!

Grumpy: im so ashamed...

Red: i miss belle :(

Whale: I'll keep u company ;)

Granny: WHERE'S MY CROSSBOW!

Red: Granny...

Granny: -_-

Thomas: ella! u aren't stupid!

Ella: u have 2 say tht! as my husband ur obliged 2!

Red: aww Ell ur not!

Ella: ur my best friend! u hve to say tht!

Grumpy: does nothin please this girl?

Whale: probably not

Thomas: well...ponies do

Ella: PONIES! WHERE!

Grumpy: in the magical rainbow field...

Ella: ...wheres tht?

Thomas: honey, he was bein sarcastic

Red: i wanted a pony :(

Whale: ruby!

Red: wat! im a girl!

Granny: i remember. granny i want a pony! every year on her bday...

Grumpy: all i wanted was a new pick axe

Red: liar

Grumpy: shut up ruby!

Whale: wait...wat did he really want!?

Grumpy: ruby...i'm warnin u...

Red: well...

Thomas: come on rubes!

Red: he really wanted a pet butterfly...u no, 1 of those sparkly 1's

Ella: HAHAHAH!

Thomas: HAHAHAH!

Granny: HAHAHAH!

Whale: HAHAHAH!

Grumpy: -_-

Belle: wassup?

Red: BELLE! UR BAK!

Belle: no...texts can be sent to any1 frm anywhere...y does every1 in this town 4get tht?

Ella: so true

Belle: ELLA!

Ella: BELLE!

Thomas: hey :)

Belle: miss u guys!

Ella: apparently not enough 2 invite us...

Belle: it was hooks idea!

Whale: explains it

Granny: so hows it goin?

Red: HAS ANYTHIN GOSSIP WORTHY HAPPND!?

Whale: shes freakin out bcoz she thinks shes gonna miss somethin importnt

Belle: welllll...

Red: NOOO! SEE I TOLD U GUYZ!

Grumpy: so wat happnd?!

Belle: oh hi grumpy :) ur lookin especially grumpy today

Red: tht may b my fault

Belle: u revelaed the butterfly?

Grumpy: yupp...

Ella: hehe

Thomas: TELL US THE GOSSIP!

Belle: sheesh ok! well, turns out hook found emma wasted once, so she stayd w him, and charming got really mad. 3 ppl hve gone overboard already, there r currently ship wars happenin, oh and emma and neal r togetha :D

Red: IVE MISSED SO MUCH!

Whale: wow.

Granny: 3 ppl?

Belle: charming, neal, and emma

Ella: y?

Belle: charming bcoz he didnt hold on when cora sped us up

Grumpy: amatuer mistake

Belle: neal jmped 2 get away from charming

Thomas: gud move  
Belle: and emma jumped to escape charming after he found out about the drunk thingy

Red: THIS WILL TAKE MONTHS 2 CATCH UP ON! MY LYF IS OVA!

Whale: calm down...

Granny: let her be...

Grumpy: out of interest, wat r ship wars?

Belle: wen u pick 2 ppl u want togetha and mesh their names like so: #teamrumbelle, is me and rumple

Red: THT IS SO AWESOME!

Thomas: BEST THING EVER

Belle: oh no

Grumpy: #teamdrova

Ella: #teamtella

Thomas: #teamtella

Belle: wat did i do...

Whale: #teamfrankenwolf

Granny: NO!

Red: uh... #teamreter?

Whale: :O OH IT IS ON

Belle: well crap

* * *

Belle: u guyz?

Snow: uve been txtn away ova thr 4 ages

Hook: i thought she was playin angry birds...

Regina: More like Temple Run.

Cora: BE QUIET CAPTAIN SWAN SHIPPER!

Belle: GUYS!

David: wat?

Belle: i may hve accidently introduced ship wars 2 storybrooke

Gold: Belle! We talked about that!

Emma: tht aint gud

Henry: THTS GONNA B THE BEST!

Neal: only henry wuld get excited about tht...

Snow: guessin we rnt goin home 4 a while?

Belle: probs not

David: oh great...

* * *

**A/N: wooo! i loved that chapter! i decided to bring in Ruby, Whale and more Belle because I had some requests for them :) also the Regina/Hook thing from Ella was a request too :P so yeah, if anyone else has any request, feel free to share in a review (hint hint) or PM me! Hope the chap was satisfactory :D xxx**


	12. Cora's Mischief

**A/N: okay, so...guys, before you get out your torches and pitchforks (or crossbows) and tie me to an apple tree and cut my head off with a sword, at least hear me out...**

**We recently had exams at school, and even though they only went for a week the lead up was also quite stressful, as we were still learning things about two weeks before, and when I wasn't studying at home I was working, they gave me so many shifts it was physically exhausting...**

**Usually my writing time is when I'm in bed at night, but I was so drained for those few weeks that I just collapsed every night.**

**I've also had some other personal stuff going on, and writing wasn't my main priority.**

**But I'm back now, promise! Thanks to everyone who has stuck it out, this is honestly the longest I've ever taken to update this story and I'm so sorry.**

**It means a lot that some of you are still interested even though I've been crappy.**

**So it feels good to be back, and enjoy my lovelies!**

**Xoxo**

* * *

Cora: I have a proposition for you.

Neal: ...were u meant 2 send tht 2 me?

Cora: Yes. I feel like we don't talk enough, and we could really have some fun together.

Neal: this better not b going where i think it is...

Cora: I think we should mess with people.

Neal: oh thank god

Cora: Why are you so relieved? What did you think I was suggesting?

Neal: nothin, nm. so...wats ur plan?

Cora: I need to know if you are in or not.

Neal: i want 2 no first

Cora: Not until you say yes.

Neal: im not sayin yes until u tell me

Cora: Yes you are.

Neal: y?

Cora: Because I said so!

Neal: wat does tht matter?

Cora: Because I'm Cora, and I'm fabulous.

Neal: ok, u totally stole tht from pretty little liars

Cora: And how would you know that?

Neal: uh...emma...made me...watch it?

Cora: Emma hates that show. And that's from the books, not the show.

Neal: fine! u caught me! wats it gonna tak stay quiet?

Cora: :)

Neal: sigh. im in

Cora: Excellent.

* * *

Emma: HOOK! WAT HAVE U DONE W NEAL?!

Hook: y do u think i did somethin?!

Emma: bcoz i cant find him

Hook: and?

Emma: ur u!

Hook: point taken, but i hve no idea where he is

Emma: hmmm

Hook: mayb he just got sick of u

Emma: grrrrrr

Hook: oh tht is an angry face...i'll be goin...over here...

* * *

Snow: y did Hook just run across the deck?

David: mayb a seagull was chasin him?

Belle: wat?

David: it's possible..

Gold: I believe it was more like Angry Emma.

Snow: ah, makes sense. but y is she angry?

Henry: well while i was eavesdropping i heard its bcoz she cant find dad and she thought hook had done somethin

Regina: Henry! What did I tell you about eavesdropping!

Henry: 2 always share my findings?

Regina: ...go on

Snow: has any1 else noticed an absence of cora?

Gold: Thank the Lord for that.

David: its worryin

Belle: i actually find it quite peaceful

Henry: wait...u dnt think grandma cora had somethin 2 do w dad?

Regina: ...Grandma Cora?

Henry: well she told me 2 call her grandma, but i have 2. so she's grandma cora, and then-

Snow: NO!

Henry: nvr mind

Gold: Cora may be involved here.

David: u dnt think they r plannin anythin?

Belle: dnt thnk neal would do tht 2 emma.

Regina: Mother can be very convincing.

Snow: blackmail is also a handy tool

Belle: tru

Hook: didnt any1 think about helpin me just then!

David: soz, got distracted

Emma: wats happenin

Henry: we're thinkin mayb grandma cora has somethin 2 do with dad disappearing

Emma: wow. never thought I'd hear tht

Snow: why? it's cora, disappearances r her forte

Hook: guys

Regina: I think that is a very rude assumption. My Mother would never associate with someone related to Gold.

Gold: Excuse me? I'm pretty sure she actually loved me, which is different than I can say for you.

Belle: EXCUSE ME?!

Regina: OH LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!

David: ...outside? wat outside?

Hook: guys...

Emma: and y wouldn't she associate with neal! he is a perfectly good person!

Belle: YOU AND CORA WERE IN LOVE

Regina: COME ON GOLD. BE A MAN FOR ONCE.

Snow: oooooh

Hook: guys!

Gold: Oh it's on like donkey kong biatch!

Emma: wat the actual fu-

David: AHEM

Emma: ...fuff

Hook: GUYS!

Regina: WHAT?

Hook: has any1 else noticed the ominous black cloud?

Gold: Oh, that doesn't look good.

Snow: uh oh

David: wat the hell do we do?

Emma: wat the hell is tht thing?

Regina: Oh dear.

Hook: wat?!

Regina: That's Mother's work.

Henry: i was already scared, now im terrified

Emma: y were u scared?

Henry: did u guys c ur selfs a min ago?! SCARY

David: um ominous black cloud here

Belle: IN LOVE

Gold: Didn't we already cover this?

Belle: u said u were involved, NOT IN LOVE

Gold: Details...

Belle: IMPORTNT 1'S

Hook: u no wat else is important?! the ominous black cloud!

Cora: Greetings.

Regina: Mother!

Snow: wats the cloud?

David: wat r u plotting?

Emma: where's neal?

Belle: U WERE IN LOVE WITH MY MAN! LETS TAKE THIS OUTSIDE

Cora: Sorry dear, would love to, but I'm rather occupied by my cloud.

Gold: Thank the heavens.

Neal: emma, plz dnt kill me. she blackmailed me...

Emma: -_-

Cora: Everyone hold on.

Hook: y is the cloud swallowing us?

Cora: All in good time, all in good time...MWAHAHA!

Snow: oh dear god

Belle: I AM GONNA BEAT UR ASS INTO NEXT WEEK!

Gold: Belle, not now...


	13. Cloud To Sweeter Places

**A/N: Hooray for quick updates! So because of your beautiful reviews, I decided on giving you a treat by SPECIALLY writing this for you! ENJOY YOU AMAZING PEOPLE!**

* * *

Cora: Wakey wakey eggs and bacey!

Regina: Whaaaat...?

Emma: y r u jumpin on our beds?

Hook: ...we have beds?

Snow: Y DO WE SUDDENLY HVE BEDS!

Neal: backin away slowly...

Belle: where r we?

Gold: I don't want to alarm anyone...but

Regina: WHY ARE WE IN FREAKING CANDY LAND!

Henry: OHMIGOSH WE R SLEEPIN ON MARSHMALLOW BEDS

David: its so delicous and comfy!

Emma: NEAL!

Neal: er hi

Emma: how could u! look how upset every1 is!

Henry: THIS IS MY DREAM COME TRUE

David: ive never tasted so many different flavrs of mrshmallow!

Belle: so. soft

Regina: OH MY GOD THERE'S APPLE FLAVOUR!

Snow: OH NO U DNT!

Gold: Actually the apple flavour is surprisingly delicous.

Hook: who cares about borin stuff like apple! THERES CHOCOLATE FLVR!

Neal: oh yeh, every1 seems so shattrd

Emma: dnt care. found the choc fountain. they hve 10 diff types of choc!

Cora: CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!

Regina: No Mother! Don't over do it, you'll shut the whole thing down!

Gold: Too late...

David: she ruined it

Hook: she must die

Belle: guys! not now! i found the cookie bushes!

Henry: I AM THERE

Snow: oh my gosh! i found the choc chip fields! CHARMING DNT U DARE COME ANYWHERE NEAR HERE

David: oh come on!

Emma: I FOUND COTTON CANDY VALLEY

Henry: SOUR WATERFALLS ARE THIS WAY

Hook: MARSHMALLOWS ARE STILL HERE

Neal: work done

Cora: Nice work partner. We should scheme more often.

Neal: yeh, i'll have 2 decline. but, out of curiousity, how do we get bak 2 the ship?

Cora: they probs hve about 5 mins left

Neal: excuse me while i go collect as much as i can

Regina: CANDY APPLE SLOPES!

Gold: You may want to keep away from there Snow...

Snow: idc, ive got my choc chips!

Emma: wait, wheres belle?

Cora: She has her head in a cookie bush.

Gold: Atta girl.

David: Snow! cnt i hve 1 choc chip!

Snow: NEVER

David: but...

Hook: psst...i found the gummy bear woods...

David: never mind! IM COMING U DELICOUS CHEWY BEARS!

Henry: ...well tht was strange

Emma: so many flavours of cotton candy, so little time

Regina: NO! I SEE THE CLOUD AGAIN!

Neal: NOOOO I DNT WANNA LEAVE!

Gold: Stop that cloud Cora!

Cora: Nah.

Snow: NOOOOOOOO! MY CHOC CHIPS! THEYRE FADING AWAAAAY!

Emma: i miss the cotton candy

Snow: gone..all gone

Hook: in good news, we're almost in neverland...

David: candy land!

Belle: I WILL NEVER 4GET THE TIMES WE SHARED COOKIE BUSH!

Gold: I can't believe even I miss it.

Cora: I love scheming.

Neal: Regina! Dad! GET US BAK!

Regina: Too full. CBS.

Henry: HEY! NEVERLAND!

Emma: this just got 100 times more interesting


End file.
